Comparing Yourself to Others

(image: via pinterest) 

Okay so it's probably gonna get a bit deep up in here today, but I just feel like this is something I want to share with you guys,whilst at the same time wanting to write it out purely for my self too. I'm a firm believer that putting what your feeling or thinking out on paper, or it least, into physical words, is such a positive thing to do. However, that's kind of easier said then done, so I'm mega sorry if this whole post is just a whole page of word vomit, but I'll give it a go anyway. 

(Anyone else feel like they have just a million thoughts bouncing around all the time but don't know what to do with them or where to put them? I kinda feel like Cumberbatch's Sherlock sometimes... although with 10000x less smart and cool thoughts bouncing around. This notion is also where my blog name came from actually. Fact of the day for ya)

So anyway, it came to my attention recently that I spend a lot of my time comparing my self to others and in all aspects of my life to. Of course, this is not a new thing. I've done it all my life, as I'm sure we all do. It's only natural. However recently, within the last few years in fact, as I've gotten older and have been attempting to become a full functioning adult, I've found that it's really been bringing me down.

Of course, comparing yourself to others is not always a bad thing, sometimes its even good; say when you get that relief that someone else hasn't got very far with an essay either, or when you use admiration or even jealousy of someone's life/job/home or whatever it is as a positive inspiration to better yourself and try harder. 

Yet, it can also be extremely negative and have the complete opposite effect. There are times when there just seems no point in even trying, that you'll never have what they have or be what they are. Sorry for the somewhat pretentious metaphor here, but at times and unfortunately a lot of the time for me recently, life just feels like you're climbing a ladder that you can't see the top of but you keep on climbing to reach it anyway, but you just never do... basically I feel like Jack out of Jack and the Beanstalk (#notspons) only I'm just constantly climbing the beanstalk and never reaching the top, never reaching the giants in the sky.

I am 100% guilty of comparing myself to others. I can look at other people and just wish I was them instead of me, and that's just incredibly sad and something I want to change. Yet still, so many times I've felt like what I do is just never enough and that I'll never get to where I want to be. It's this uncertainty and the fact I see so many others around me that seem to be better and happier than me that seems to be stunting my own value of myself. I've found this particularly prominent in the last few years with the rise of social media and all that jazz,being generally more aware of more people's lives than that of my family and friends; I've noticed this happening more and more,

Of course, wanting to always be better and do better is a part of life; we're always growing. However, it came to my attention recently, when considering just how large a portion of our lives are online, just how problematic this is to our self esteem and sense of self. It was when I randomly clicked on my Facebook profile one day, skipping through my tagged pictures (as you do) and scrawling down my timeline, that I noticed online I seemed to have this wonderful life, a life I'd dreamed I would have when I was younger; I had this uni life with a great group of friends, a job, independence and so on and so on. As I skipped through my photos, I could see this great life before my eyes, and it was mine. So why did I still feel unsatisfied? Why do I still? 

I'm not saying I'm fully unsatisfied with the life I have, I'm not, I appreciate all I have, I really do, but if I'm being honest, and I don't feel like I'm alone here, I always feel like there could and can be more. This is something I'm always thinking about, how I can be more productive to produce beneficial results, but it became particularly poignant after I looked at my profile and in fact even more so when I recently face timed my sister who's currently way in Australia. She had just seen some pictures from the night before I had been tagged in and said she really like seeing me having a good time and was happy I was happy when in reality, I wasn't. I was stressed actually, for multiple reasons I won't go into fully, but mainly uni deadlines and the somewhat unexpected weight of second year (sorry if you're in your third or even fourth year, cos I can only imagine what that must be like).

 But yeah, anyway, I really noticed first hand that (I know it seems mega obvious but it's something I needed reminded of) things online are not always what they seem and even if they are, the good (or enviable) stuff is just a snippet of life. 9/10 times we won't post the bad stuff; our morning selfie with our bushy hair and make-up less face and so on. Maybe even without noticing it ourselves, we heighten our realities. 

Okay, so I realise this is kinda turning into a social media rant here but it does nicely lead me on to the most important part of this post; considering what we can do to avoid these feelings and how we can stop feeling like we're a hopeless case. If you've got this far and are completely relating to this, maybe you could give them a go also.

(image: via pinterest) 

Steps To (Potential) Success

(*I'm not at all an expert but I'll give it a go)

1. Switch it off 

As the mass internet sphere grows, we have the ever-growing danger of becoming more detached from the real world and dependent on the constructed one. I'm not saying that t' internet 'aint great, it really is. I don't want this to become an essay about the pros and cons of the web because I could just go on and on, but I think everyone could benefit from just taking a time out from social media and really switch on to what's around you. I'm 100% guilty of being almost surgically attached to my phone at times, even when I'm out with friends and that's something I want to change. Of course it's cool if you want to capture moments and stay connected to friends, but for me, when I noticed at a concert I attended recently that by recording it I was watching it through a screen and not experiencing the real thing, it lit a spark in me that pushed me to make a conscious effort to take time out. When you're mindlessly scrawling through Facebook or Twitter not coming across anything in particular and not taking anything in, it might be time to switch it off for a while.

2. Just do it 

In true Shia LaBeouf style here, you've just gotta do it. Not gonna lie this a tough one for me. I'm such an over-thinker, and tend to focus on what could go wrong more than what could actually go right. However, I'm going to make a conscious effort to try and put all anxiety's aside and just do it. Even if it's a fake it to you make it kinda thing, the best step you can make is to try. If there's something you want, you have to work hard to get there or to get it. It's probably going to be mega tough but you've got to keep going. If that seems impossible, which it kinda does to me too at times, start small and work your way up.

3. Don't beat yourself up

We all compare ourselves to others sometimes and that's okay but don't let it cloud or demean your worth. Don't forget that you're you and no one else gets to be, try your best to embrace it. I feel like Regina's mum from Mean Girls here or something with the help but you just gotta own it (sassy finger snap included). Really sorry for the vomit inducing cliché here, but no matter how many times you fall, always always get back up and carry on. Somewhere down the line, even if its way way down the line, you'll thank yourself for it,

If you do compare yourself to others, do it to fuel your fire. Feed it enough to keep it burning and keep you warm but not so much that spreads and starts to be destructive. Fuel it too much and it will burn.
(I'm all about the metaphors today apparently)

4. Don't write off your successes

I'm guilty of this too; I can spend ages working on or towards something and when I finally achieve it, I appreciate it for about 0.2 seconds and then move onto something new. It's okay to be proud of yourself. You go ahead and toot your own horn once in a while; if anyone can, you can. Also remember that just because your successes aren't the same as someone else's, that doesn't mean they're worthless. I'm certain that although at times it feels like its only you that's comparing yourself too someone else or are jealous of what someone has have, there will be someone who's doing the exact same thing to you, someone who will want something you have.

5. There's no rush

You don't need to have everything figured out. No one does. I don't know about you but when I see people (whether that be a person I know, learn about through other people or see online) doing great things and achieving success it puts me in this frantic, panic mode to get loads of things done and now! I set myself big goals and want them achieved straight away. Then when they don't happen, I get stressed and just feel worse about myself. There's time; there's no rush. When you see these successes you may not realise the hard journey its took to get there.
Recognize that everyone is at different stages.Your time will come.

6. Breathe

I'm all about the benefits of taking a break. I probably take my advice too much here (*cough* procrastination *cough*) but I really do believe it works wonders. If you feel like you're drowning in work or in things you feel like you have to do, and its starting to have the opposite effect in what you intended, actually stunting your productivity; take a break. Go for a walk, get some air; get out of your head for a while. As hard as it is, I think its mega important to take a step back, look at things from an outsiders point of view and from a broader perspective. It's sometimes easy to get caught up in meaningless things and they can really start to grate on you. If you feel trapped, just take a break. Just breathe.

7.Listen

Have a listen. Take it all in. It helps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0

(image: via pinterest) 

Can you think of anything I've missed?
Hope this helped!

Thanks for reading,
Kelly T x