So Much To Say: August 2015

I've come to end of my first year at university recently and whilst I have absolutely loved it and have changed and grown so much as a person this year, as I take these steps into 'adulthood' (I hate calling it that but I couldn't think of how else to say it... the future? but then how can you step into the future when it's not there? but yeah, that's going off topic) there is something I find myself struggling with more and more. Moving to Uni I feel I can finally say I'm living for myself, starting to become the person I want to be, but with that comes the ultimate question (that leads one heck of an existential crisis) of what am I going to do with my life? What am I going to be?

This has led to me struggling with the idea of being one thing, of being stuck in a box. It's an incredibly daunting thing knowing and deciding what you want to do with your life, with your future. I think half of me knows and understands that the future isn't one coherent thing, that nothing I do will set it in stone, not my degree or anything else yet the other (irrational) half of me thinks that it can't hurt to work hard to determine my future is one I'm gonna enjoy, to help future me out by acting now.

For me, a problem I am having is that I have so many different passions that I'd love to pursue; I'm always thinking what if? I just don't know which basket to put all my eggs in and where to focus my energy and passion. This is something that constantly plays on my mind. I don't know why but I had it in my mind that my degree is going to set in stone which area I'm going to go into, like it was caging me in in a way which I realise now is not the case.

I'm currently majoring in Media and Cultural studies and am really enjoying it, yet my passion for writing has continued to grow and flourish this year (I took it as a minor subject for first year and absolutely loved it). Moreover, at the same time I also love and have grown up with theatre and there's not much more I love than singing my heart out. I've had this impression from a young age that I needed to pick one thing and stick to it and that this one thing will define me and determine my future (maybe I just played too much Sims or something). This thought has always terrified me but I'd always just put it to the back of my mind when I was younger, however now it's getting to the point where I really need to take it into serious consideration and I feel like I am in a bit of a pickle. I really did feel like I was at a crossroads earlier this year and I still somewhat do now... truth is I think I always will.

Yet something that has really helped me is this campaign from Venus which invites and encourages you to 'Use Your And', something I fully support.

I know I'm a bit late on this but in case you haven't seen it, I encourage you to do so because it has helped me so much recently (I'm not sponsored, I just thoroughly love when companies actually make something worthwhile) . It reminded me that you don't have to be just one thing, you can be and do whatever you want. Only you define you, and that definition can be whatever you want and how many different things you want.

I've always been a firm believer that hard work and perseverance pays off and as cringey and cliché as it is, I believe if you work incredibly hard and want it enough you can achieve anything... Y'know obviously within moderation. If you work incredibly hard to turn yourself into a dinosaur it may not happen, but hey, if that's what you truly want then give it a go. To me, and I'm sure to many people, trying your absolute best, even if you fail, is far better than not trying at all.

It's incredibly daunting and almost soul crushing (I'm not even being dramatic...) when someone tells you that you won't achieve your goals, your dreams. It's even more soul crushing when someone (if not all of society) tells you that your area of study, whether that be Theatre, English, Media or whatever, is a hard area to get into and that you'll never get a job with that. And maybe they're right, but you know what, they'll definitely be right if you let what they say stop you from trying. You can never be fully certain that trying will get you there, will get you that job or the life you've always dreamed of, but it'll get you a damn sight further then if you don't try at all.

So, in an attempt to use my 'and' and to make my blog an honest reflection of me and to make my passion filter through into my posts, whilst I will still of course be posting beauty and fashion content ,I have decided to make my blog more than just one thing and have created 'Alternative Tuesdays'. On Tuesdays I will be posting something a little bit different, whether that be a poem or a short story or maybe a song cover. The reason I make my blog is because I thoroughly enjoy doing it and think it will be fun for me to do this and will hopefully be enjoyable for you too. Stay tuned if you're interested, but if not that's completely cool too.

Finally (pat on the back if you've made it this far), if you're in the same position as me at the moment, no matter what stage of your life you are at, don't be afraid to 'use your and' . Life is too short to not do what we want with it. Live your life, don't just experience it. I know it's a scary and daunting thing but none of us are alone in this. I, along with many many other people I'm sure, have no idea what we're doing with our lives really, but isn't that the fun of it?